i wish you didn't care as much. i wish you didn't get all dressed up in your tights and boots and big earrings before you went out. i wish you didn't spend those few minutes putting on eye shadow on tuesdays and thursdays before lunch. i wish you didn't set your expectations so high every time. i wish you didn't keep saying you were going to stop doing that. i wish you didn't get so disappointed every time they weren't met.
he's not going to meet them.
i mean, one day he will kiss you. i believe that, i really do. but on the day that he does, you'll start expecting him to call every day. or to take you out. or to stay in with you on friday nights. or to take care of you when you're sick. or to sing you love songs.
and maybe he'll do some of those things. but he can't do all of them. he won't ever live up to all of your expectations, because you'll create too many. he won't agree with you on everything. you'll say that's okay, but it'll piss you off. and it's okay that it pisses you off, but you'll still be disappointed. and then you'll spend the next day moping and being passive aggressive. and when people ask if you want to talk about it, you'll say you don't and mean you do. but he won't understand what you mean, he'll understand what you say.
he means well. but he's confused. you know he's a good guy. so stop expecting him to kiss you and take him for what he is. take him for the kid you think is cute, but is still a little childish. take him for the guy who wants to go out on thursdays and still thinks going to class is crucial. take him for the freshman that he is, and acknowledge the fact that you learned a lot last year, and so will he. don't expect him to know what you know.
but take him as he is. and take everything a moment at a time. live today for today, not for yesterday or for last night. let yourself get carried away in the joy of the moment, not get dragged down by the disappointment of last night. because the disappointment will always be there. but so will the joy.
you've got to stop setting expectations for other people.
you've got to start setting expectations for yourself.
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